At such a young age you’re meant to go to school, get a shitty job, deal deal deal. You are young, you take what you are given.
Why are we conditioned from the beginning to always compromise on the things that we really want? Why are we told that working for 65 years and then finally being able to tend to our stamp collection is life’s greatest gift?
Get a job.
Get married. (work)
Have kids. (work)
I’m sorry, but I refuse to compromise this lifetime.
I refuse to spend my entire life asking mommy Bossman if I can go on vacation with my boyfriend or if I can finally have that 20 cent raise in my allowance. I refuse to spend 80 percent of my life somewhere I don’t want to be doing something I don’t want to do. I refuse to have kids. I don’t want them so why are people wagging their fingers at me when I tell them this? I’m no human cow. I’m no one’s slave. Why do I have to work work work work work when my body is young and (kind of) strong and finally be able to travel when all my bones are snapping under the weight of my guilt of having followed the social protocol?
Um…honestly, I rather just make suprise balls all day.
Why are we so ok with society’s check list for our OWN lives? With following the yarn wrapped around our torso with the other end wrapped around our predetermined endings? No matter how many times your counselor tells you, this life isn’t actually meant to be a Choose Your Own Adventure series. It’s more of a Accept That Your Success Is Mainly Determined By Factors Such As: Race, Gender, & Economic Placing coffee table book.
When I see the Ira Glass or Anthony Bourdains or Margaret Kilgallens of the world I well up with anger. Anger at the fact that even though I’m so young I am wasting these few years I’ve had to myself on shit I don’t want to be doing. That I could be doing something as wonderful as them but instead…I’m not. I’m hitting the pavement hard towards a career at a matte cubicle or library or mall, that I could take my dabbling skills and somehow make it so that my life is spent traveling and inspiring and creating and learning. I’m angry because I have no idea how to get there and my meek disposition would never make one of the above said want to teach me.
My biggest fear is that I’ll end up like Little Edie. Having a hard time telling between the past and present, just wanting to leave and having wanted that for the past 2 years. Regretting my youth because I allowed something to stop me from living it. But please, don’t misread this, I love Edie. She was free on many, many levels.
I’d give up security for freedom anytime, the way Edie did, but apparently that’s just not ok. They said she was crazy. Well, fuck you and your opinions. You’re crazy for walking such a tight rope willingly.